A warm and friendly support group for people following the Slimming World Plan

Yes, its me again.....just can't let it go, can I?!

Hi SW blogsters!

This is mad. I'm blogging once every six months, saying 'YES - I'M COMING BACK - THIS TIME I'LL DO IT!' I am so sick of myself....I'm becoming a little predictable, frankly, and more importantly I don't believe myself any more. I inform myself that I am going to lose the weight this time, and myself looks back at me and say 'Yeah, pull the other one, how many times have you lied to me now?!'

Once again, here I am, now at my highest weight for a long time (possibly ever, not sure) Diabetes is pretty much uncontrolled, feeling very unhealthy and most of all (because lets face it, it may not be the most important reason, but its the one that is most likely to give us a kick where its needed!) I have seen photographic evidence that someone has clearly removed the real me from my body and put me into a large blob of waddling lard! I am joking, sort of, but actually - no, I'm not. I see those photos and yes, I look ok to other people, because to them, even my husband, thats just how I am - and to those over here in America, they have never seen me look significantly different anyway.

But to me, the person in those photos is not me. She doesn't fit with any of the concepts I have of myself - Ruth the writer and artist doesn't look like that, Ruth the former drama student doesn't (didn't!) ...Ruth the wife doesn't. Everything I feel is me, I don't see. Not because I think someone overweight can't be all those things, but because I know the person trapped in there! I know the weight is a symptom of things I have taken on that I shouldn't, stuff from other people, beliefs about myself. Its not my fat, its a pile of leftover pain that I don't need anymore and would like removed from my body so that the real me can breathe, and move, and who knows, even run without gasping for air after a few steps....lol

So....Self....I know you have no reason to ever trust me again. But I'd like you to give us one more chance. Because I know you're in there. I hear you. One more time, trust me, because I believe we can do it.

Rxx